The spirit of my Aunt Mary's dead husband
rang her doorbell, shouting, "Let me in or I'll
float around back & piss on your roses."

Peeking through her curtains, Aunt Mary replied,
"You were a reasonably decent man
even if you were protestant, but obviously
the rejoicing of the Sisters of Saint Joseph
who prayed for you was for nothing,
your death bed conversion didn't take.

"Those roses are dedicated to the Virgin.
She protects my hard-earned & restful
widowhood. Seek her intercession
& purgatory will be no more painful
than  ten hours of agonizing labor
followed by a caesarian section."

With that, the spirit disappeared,
leaving only a  wisp of Lysol
drifting in the air.
© Bob Rixon  

Stuttering 9-1-1